As I was putting my PIN number into one of those accursed ATM machines yesterday it struck me that I had forgotten to return back to my initial first thoughts on eliminating tautology.

I believe teachers could eradicate the needless repetition of words wonderfully well if they put their minds to it ;-)

BT

Every year a principal I know releases all the female members of staff for the culminating activity of the, 'People in Our Neighbourhood' Social Studies Unit.

As part of the firefighters' visit she has a 'quiet word' to the station master & makes it clear that the emergency workers are to perform a series of well choreographed moves. These moves are strictly for 'educational purposes' but are required if the crew are to be invited back to the staffroom for drinks after school.

Firstly, a mock rescue of a teacher dressed only in pyjamas is performed for the delight and titillation of all present. Next, the uniformed gentlemen select a 'volunteer' to gently caress the lever that it extends the massive ladder. Often the fireman needs to stand behind the teacher and guide her hand. It is at this point that the echos of much clapping & cheering can be heard by the male members of staff who are 'covering' classes.

After the erection of the ladder, the firefighters must scale it, hose held firmly in hand and then spray foam all over the car park. Needless to say, this is a sight to behold for teachers & students alike but it is enjoyed on completely different levels :-) It is at this point that a couple of the teachers invariably feel the need to reach for a tissue to clean any stray foam out of their hair.

Now don't get me wrong, I can see the this visit does wonders for the morale of the female staff. But I feel a true leader would recognise that a few male members of staff that would eagerly jump at the opportunity to attend an educational demonstration of this caliber. Especially those who secretly hold onto desires of being rescued from the jaws of death by a rugged man in uniform grasping his huge hose.

So all this begs the question, 'What are you doing for the well being of your staff?'

In my day this little miscreant would have been thrashed to within an inch of his life for his reprehensible ignorance. I mean realistically, how will this degenerate ever succeed in life without a thorough understanding of the geometry of Ancient Greece?

BT

Let's just say in these uncertain financial times unscrupulous people will try to take advantage of you under the guise of 'economic' necessity. In 'normal' times these people would have a snow flake's chance of 'making you redundant' but today it is a different story. So if you haven't already, secure some income protection and then take a leaf out of Father's good friend Vyacheslav Molotov's book and embrace cocktails.

Now I'm all for the provincials holding on to their quaint working class grammar as it makes it so much easier to distinguish between us and them. However, my educated ear cannot abide those in the aspirational classes who insist on pronouncing the 't' in 'often'.

As Father's good friend H.W. Fowler wrote in the 1920s, 'The sounding of the t is practised by two oddly consorted classes - the academic speakers who affect a more precise enunciation than their neighbours... & the uneasy half-literates who like to prove they can spell...'

Life your game people!!!

Tonight as I cast my all seeing eye across the 'Twilight Session's' rabble it struck me that I am surrounded by a bunch of cripples.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I have a few anger management issues (as illustrated by that unfortunate incident with the tub of yogurt, the kitten and the Bunsen burner) but sometimes we have to get angry to show our disapproval of the status quo. Alas... I digress again. Stay focused! Breathe! Breathe!

Ahhhh.... So tonight's 'facilitator' (which I quietly suspect has her own issues) asks in her condescending tone...

'So BT, what do you feel is the place of interactive whiteboards in 21st Century schools?'

'Overpriced toys,' I exclaim, 'I believe they have NO place in schools what so ever!!!'

'Thank you for sharing your novel & interesting perspective with us' she says and proceeds to ask the same question of the next cripple.

'No...' I interject, 'I'm serious! The sooner this fad that raises the most mundane elements of curriculum to sacred cow status passes the better!'

Not wanting to hear me out she quietly ignores me with a roll of her eyes and a flick of her hair and proceeds to tell the whole group why IWBs are fantastic. NB Her finest point was that you can project your Powerpoint notes onto the screen and have the students copy them down while you do some marking.

So, my loyal fans, why did she ask my opinion in the first place if once she had it she then went on to ignore it? Is this the face of twenty first century learning? Only question if the vendor says it is Ok?

Next thing you know I'm getting in touch with my inner mongrel and I just have to be heard.

'I hear what you are saying Ms Facilitator (I feel so cheap for using here flaccid words) but if I asked you which one of these does not belong? Constructivism? Vygotski? or Interactive Whiteboards? Which one would you pick?'

She laughed knowingly and continued on her merry way. She had no idea what I was alluding to.

Cripples!!! I'm surrounded by CRIPPLES!

BT

PS Sincere thanks to that other, 'voice in the wilderness' Gary Stager for being such a good sport about me including his wonderful quote in this little opinion piece. Hip hip hurrah!