Tonight as I cast my all seeing eye across the 'Twilight Session's' rabble it struck me that I am surrounded by a bunch of cripples.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I have a few anger management issues (as illustrated by that unfortunate incident with the tub of yogurt, the kitten and the Bunsen burner) but sometimes we have to get angry to show our disapproval of the status quo. Alas... I digress again. Stay focused! Breathe! Breathe!

Ahhhh.... So tonight's 'facilitator' (which I quietly suspect has her own issues) asks in her condescending tone...

'So BT, what do you feel is the place of interactive whiteboards in 21st Century schools?'

'Overpriced toys,' I exclaim, 'I believe they have NO place in schools what so ever!!!'

'Thank you for sharing your novel & interesting perspective with us' she says and proceeds to ask the same question of the next cripple.

'No...' I interject, 'I'm serious! The sooner this fad that raises the most mundane elements of curriculum to sacred cow status passes the better!'

Not wanting to hear me out she quietly ignores me with a roll of her eyes and a flick of her hair and proceeds to tell the whole group why IWBs are fantastic. NB Her finest point was that you can project your Powerpoint notes onto the screen and have the students copy them down while you do some marking.

So, my loyal fans, why did she ask my opinion in the first place if once she had it she then went on to ignore it? Is this the face of twenty first century learning? Only question if the vendor says it is Ok?

Next thing you know I'm getting in touch with my inner mongrel and I just have to be heard.

'I hear what you are saying Ms Facilitator (I feel so cheap for using here flaccid words) but if I asked you which one of these does not belong? Constructivism? Vygotski? or Interactive Whiteboards? Which one would you pick?'

She laughed knowingly and continued on her merry way. She had no idea what I was alluding to.

Cripples!!! I'm surrounded by CRIPPLES!

BT

PS Sincere thanks to that other, 'voice in the wilderness' Gary Stager for being such a good sport about me including his wonderful quote in this little opinion piece. Hip hip hurrah!

Yesterday I received an absolute tirade of an email accusing my fine self of, 'having a problem with authority'. What a load of bollocks!!! My problem lies with people who are in positions of 'authority' but are NOT actually 'authorities' in the field.

Let's take for instance the rugby player who at the end of his career goes on to become a Physical Education teacher. He then climbs the executive ladder by jumping through all the right hoops and kissing all the right butts so that by the age of thirty-seven he becomes the principal of a rather large private school. Yes the lad is in a position of 'authority' yet is not 'an authority' in anything other than the skills of rugby. Not curriculum. Not leadership. Not management. Not pedagogy. Not staff relationships.... and the list can go on & on.

So the next time you find yourself saying, 'Management just DON'T get it!' take a look at the path they took to their position of authority and you will soon understand why. It is not rocket science people!

Micromanaging principals & executives are like pythons who slowly suffocate their victims. They gradually suck the will to live from their staff and leave them discontent, depressed, unwilling to take initiative, sapped of creativity, frustrated, unable to sleep, reliant on alcohol & completely burnt out.

Here is an example from a friend who attends the same 'back to work' program as I do. She is a little stressed, to say the least, as a result of working in such a toxic workplace.

It is almost the end of term. Student reports have been handed back for rewriting, teaching programs and registers are due (each minute of the day is to be accounted for, each page to be submitted in a plastic sleeve and decorations to be in watercolor pencil only), projected budgets for 2012 are due, the sports carnival software has crashed without a backup, the school concert is in two weeks and her illustrious leader has just set out an email demanding a database for how the students would like their fundraiser hot dogs... White roll? whole meal? gluten free? margarine? butter? mustard? ketchup? pickle relish? coleslaw? sauerkraut? onion? mayonnaise? lettuce? tomato? cheese? chili peppers? or any combination of the aforementioned!!!

Needless to say, staff morale is at an all time low. Many people are considering leaving and children are not being educated to the best of the teachers' ability as they deal with petty obsessions and administrivia. School has become a boring and unstimulating place for the teachers as well as the students.

So what can we do?

According to the literature the best way to deal with this type of person is to see them as an escaped psychiatric patient. Then join a gym, eat out, skydive, minimize the amount of time you spend at school, go swimming, watch a movie, go for a long walk and ask yourself, 'What am I doing to look after my mental health and well being in this environment?'

My answer in a nutshell is..."MICROMANAGE THIS BABY!!!"

BT

PS If you click on the image I've made it big enough for desktop wallpaper :-)

At tonight's 'twilight session' yet another flavour of the month, fly by night, 'educational guru' shared the priceless catch cry, 'We are preparing them for their future not our past' on her interactive whiteboard.

Have you ever heard such drivel?

This misinformed pseudo intellectual needs to take a leaf from the inspired leadership of a school in my local district. In this 'cutting edge' school the children are forbidden from logging into the computer system until they are in Year 3. This visionary policy ensures the, 'little vessels' have ample time to be 'filled' with all the skills that will equip them to experience success in the schooling system.

The little inhereters of the world can: work through their phonics colouring books, learn their sums, complete title pages, learn to use bubble writing, master glitter pens, colour in the lines and leave no white spaces, line up outside the classroom, march into class single file, put their hands up to answer questions and learn that their is no place in true education system for individualism or critical thinking.

As I drove the Bentley home tonight passed the bus stops where the plebs were waiting for public transport, I arrived at the conclusion that these 'education gurus' are of the opinion that education' is something more than a sorting mechanism for society. WAKE UP PEOPLE! It is not!

We MUST perpetuate the status quo in the schooling system so we can ensure adequate supply of CEOs, lawyers, kitchen hands and garbage workers. If we actually 'educated' the masses, people would realise that what we call 'democracy' is merely a facade and on a more serious note, there would not be enough Pimms or brioche to go around!

Sincerely

The Bolshie Teacher

PS Do you think I use 'inverted commas' a little too freely?

You know I'm all for having Saturday detention for the miscrents who constantly have their shirts untucked as well as for those who fail to hand in homework on time. I'm also all for failing students who do not achieve a minimum 85% on their exams or fail to put adequate effort into their Latin assignments. The students need these incentives to serve as a reminder that the real world does not tolerate failure.

Teachers on the other hand have 'done their time'! It is a completely different kettle of fish if we don't have time to explore a new piece of software or 'do group work'. When will the executive learn that I get great results in the standardised tests so I don't need to change any part of my teaching practise. Besides, all my lesson plans are laminated and have been for 25 years.

The core business of schools is to educate children. Anything that keeps people from doing this task is 'one step removed' from the core business of the school. So once management (notice I refrain from calling it leadership) start: renaming departments, restructuring, writing vision statements, holding workshops on school marketing and any other form of 'administriva' then they are neglecting their core business!

Try taking the agenda of your next staff meeting and put a dot next to any item that is not associated with educating children. Next, put another dot next to any item that could have been achieved with a memo or email.

What can we learn from the above activity? Learn to succeed despite management!!!

As part of the 'back to work' program I'm on, I have to attend quiet a few 'twilight professional development sessions'. And let me just say that the methods they use are enough to have the little woman pour me a contreau or four so I can bare it.

Once seated I have learned to 'phase out' when the presenters use words like: pedagogy, metacognition & 21st Century Skillset however the one thing I cannot abide is the butchers' paper! I have come to abhor it! NOTHING gets me more in touch with my inner ADHD than arriving fashionably late to see 'groups' of people 'scribing' their inane ideas onto large sheets of paper and then 'sharing'. I mean realistically... my school have paid for me to learn from experts! I do not want to explore the thoughts of common people! Especially when the best the activity can possibly achieve is the intellect of the smartest person in the room.

Please use the technology to find out what others who matter think and spare me the facade of you caring what I think!

BT